Monday, December 3, 2012



A Vampire's First Christmas (The Misadventures of Dick Grewcock - Book 1) by Cynthia Arsuaga
Genre: Contemporary Paranormal Romance (Vampire)
Price: $3.99

Back Cover:

Richard “Dick” Grewcock is a fledgling vampire, turned by choice on Halloween Night. He’s a computer geek, thirty-two years old, and thinks vampires are handsome, powerful, and have women falling over them—everything he’s not. Problem is, after he turns he doesn’t get any of those qualities and wants his money back. All he wants for Christmas is a girlfriend. Is that so difficult?
Christmas Eve he confronts his maker and as he argues to get his money back or at least fix his problem, a pretty young woman walks in and disrupts his train of thought.
Noelle St. Nicholas is on a mission to save her home and won’t take no for an answer. The only one who can save her is Dick, the nerd staring at her and looking really weird.
On his first adventure to find love, Dick Grewcock gets a Christmas present he won’t soon forget.

“Mister Grewcock, how are you this evening?” The six foot plus, pasty male vampire asked. Vlad stood in front of the mini-bar, holding a decanter. “Care for some? It’s fresh.” He grinned as he poured a glass of blood.
“No thanks. We need to talk.” Dick’s voice sounded edgy to his own ears, actually more like irritated. He had to keep composure or else he knew the older vampire could vanquish him just as easily as he had turned him. Dick wanted his old life back, not have his existence wiped off the face of the Earth.
“Of course, Mister Grewcock. Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable.”
Dick sat in a chair positioned askew at the corner of the massive, cherry wood desk. Upon sinking down, way down, it appeared quite a bit lower than the piece of furniture in front of him. The position made him feel small. Perhaps his imagination played tricks on him again. Lately his senses acted out of whack, misfiring at the oddest moments. Another reason for his visit to Master Vlad, as the ancient vamp liked to be called.
Sucking in a deep breath before speaking, Dick’s voice squeaked. “I want my money back as well as my life, the old human one.” He stumbled over a few of his words as he kept his eyes lowered. Speaking this way was so out of his comfort zone. He peeked sheepishly and caught the ancient one staring.
The older vampire raised an eyebrow. “Goodness gracious, you are a presumptuous thing. Not exactly subtle either, are you?” He moved with speed to rest in the high-back leather chair behind the desk.
Dick regarded the master with awe. Even seated, the vampire’s presence commanded the room, and he seemed taller than the average man. Damn imagination again. “With respects, I’m not insolent, and my complaints aren’t unwarranted. There are real problems being a vampire, and I blame you for not disclosing all the particulars one goes through with the transformation. I think caveats should have been in the contract before I signed on.” Dick stood, slammed his fist on the desk, and continued, “I want my money and life back!”
“Mister Grewcock, there’s no need for yelling.” The soothing, husky voice disarmed Dick. The master continued as he made a non-descript hand gesture. “Please sit and describe to me the problems you’ve encountered. We aim to satisfy all our customers at VRU and can work through any concerns, I assure you. Let me inspect your file before proceeding further.” He opened a black folder in the center of his desk.
“Yeah, well that’s easy for you to say considering, what, you are how old? Eight hundred-thirty-two from the bio I read. Me, I’m only a couple months in age, a newborn by vamp standards.”
“You’re correct, Mister Grewcock. May I call you Dick by the way? Mister Grewcock seems…so formal when we are brothers of a kind. Don’t you agree?”
“Yeah, that’s fine, you can call me Dick, but why am I required to address you as Master Vlad?”
A slight, brief chuckle escaped the thin, red lacquered lips. “Out of respect since I am your sire. I sucked life into you, Dick.”
“Yeah, I guess, but the master thing is weird and doesn’t seem fair.”
“Now, now, Dick, bear up. We’re still friends, right? If you feel more comfortable, call me Vlad or even Andreaus, or I’d be okay with Andy. I like Andy, sometimes. Sounds more modern. I can accept those salutations as well. Depends on my mood. Actually, I think Master Vlad still reflects the real me—more in control, dominant, a manly vampire’s name.” Vlad’s voice deepened the more he spoke.
“Oh whatever. I’ll call you Vlad.” Dick softly harrumphed and slumped in the chair. “My complaint. Can we discuss me now?”
“Yes, of course.” The Master rustled through a few pieces of paper. “Let’s see, the paperwork states here in your profile you transitioned on Halloween night. Everything proceeded as expected.” He glanced up from the papers, then continued, “A glorious night All Hallows Eve. I love the holiday. A majority of humans come out as scary creatures of the night. At least they think they are.” He chuckled, flicking his hands in the air a few times. “Such revelry and debauchery. Yes, I believe Halloween is my favorite time of the year.”
“Excuse me, but we’re a little off subject again. Can we talk about my problems, please?”
“Oh yes, sorry. I get carried away sometimes. Where was I, oh yes, tell me what aspects of your new life are you having difficulties with, Dick?”
“How ‘bout I start with this?” Dick closed his eyes, tensed his body, opened his mouth and fangs dropped down. They were over an inch in length, and he stretched his lips wide to accommodate the size. The tips barely punctured his lower lip, drawing a small amount of blood. “Ouch.”
“Oh my, what big teeth we have, grandma.”
 Cynthia Arsuaga

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