The Misadventures of Dick Grewcock

December 2013 the entire book is RELEASED!!!

Read Each of the first Three Parts

A Vampire's First Christmas


Richard " Dick"  Grewcock is a fledgling vampire, turned by choice on Halloween Night. He is an IT geek, thirty years old, and learns vampires are handsome, powerful, and have women falling over them--everything he's not. Problem is, after he turns he doesn't get
any of those qualities and wants his money back. All he wants for Christmas is a girlfriend.
Christmas Eve he confronts his maker and a young woman walks into his Undead life and a new adventure begins.


Christ Almighty! Attending the party turned out to be a mistake. The invitation came from the reluctant partygoer’s maker and was either meant as a ploy to gain introduction into the vampire group or had another ulterior motive, he wasn’t sure which. A Christmas party on the holiday eve seemed strange. Family maybe would throw one, but strangers? None of this or anything that happened to him over the past several months made sense.
Do vampires even celebrate holidays? Richard “Dick” Grewcock never really rejoiced in them when he was human, and hated the office parties accompanying the day job he held at the law firm. They were awkward, humiliating and he always went home, half-drunk and alone. Nothing had changed. Even as a vampire, he ended up in a corner watching all the others laughing, talking, and pairing up for anonymous one-night stands. He disliked that feeling, when the next time he’d run into the woman at work and she acted like they didn’t know each other. Humiliation. Yeah, he lived for that kind of relationship. Not!
Once again he would spend tomorrow feeling sorry for himself, eating a microwave meal and watching the umpteenth rendition of A Christmas Carol or A Christmas Story. He’d even settle for It’s a Wonderful Life if only to give him hope of a better existence ahead. He’d already been ostracized by his family for daring to move halfway across the country and not joining the family business after graduation from college.


Richard “Dick” Grewcock is a fledgling vampire, turned by choice on Halloween Night. He’s a computer geek, thirty-two years old, and thinks vampires are handsome, powerful, and have women falling over them—everything he’s not. Problem is, after he turns he doesn’t get any of those qualities. On Christmas he got the girlfriend of his wishes, and weeks later his new life takes a turn.

Valentine’s Day he meets with his maker and is made an offer he can’t refuse, but he has a date planned with his girlfriend.

Noelle St. Nicholas is Dick’s new girlfriend, and a little geeky too, they seem to be a perfect match. She plans a night her boyfriend won’t soon forget, but he tells her something she can’t forgive.

On his second adventure to find love, Dick Grewcock gets a Valentine surprise he won’t soon forget.


“Dick, Dick, Dick, you’ve been a naughty boy, haven’t you? C’mon and calm down. We can fix this. First, you have to stop erasing her memory and be a true vamp. Tell her the truth. Be her master. Then, I want you to bring her to me and let me check her out. We can set this right.”
“You sure?”
“Positive, my boy. I’ll take care of you if you take care of me. Fix my computers and I’ll put Noelle back into working order.”
She’s not broken, like a car needing a tune-up. Geez! “Yes, sir. How about bringing her by tomorrow night?”
“Hmm, I can do that. But remember, don’t do anymore mind erasing. Resist, my dear Dick. Remember you can do it. Now if that’s it, I have another appointment.”
“Okay.” Dick stood and reached his hand over the desk to thank his sire.
Vlad stood and placed his cold mitt in Dick’s. “Ah, does my Dick feel better now?”
Huh? The question gave him pause. No, he didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Dick changed the subject. “So, Master Vlad when do you want me to start on the computers?”
“Tonight, of course.”
“Really? But, I need to quit my day job, and I’m busy tonight. I have a Valentine’s date with Noelle, remember?”
“Hmm, that’s right you did say today is Valentine’s. Well, I was counting on you. I need to move on this immediately. I hate down time in my businesses.”
“I can’t give Noelle a call first? I have reservations at a nice restaurant and can’t change my plans.”
“All I need you to do is find me the best hardware and software system then network all of them back to my computer. As long as I’m up and running by the end of the week I’ll be happy. You can have your romantic date with Noelle, and then work on it when she’s asleep or is she an insomniac who stays up all night? If she is, you might have a problem working for me.”
“No, she sleeps normally. I guess I could start tonight after our dinner. And, sir, the end of the week is in two days. You want this done for seven stores in two days?”
“Oh my, how this week has flown by. The days and nights all blur into one for me lately. Insomnia is such a bitch. I have trust in you, Dick. Plus you’re industrious and can make it work. That’s why I hired you, but I’ll give you a few extra days because I like you.” Vlad paused and bit his bottom lip. “Hmm, I wonder if vamps can suffer old age symptoms. You know like, dementia or inability to sleep. And this,” he said as he grabbed his stomach and squeezed the skin through his shirt. “Do you think I’m fat? Look. I think I’ve gained a few extra pounds around the middle.”
“Um, I don’t know. I haven’t been doing this vamp thing for very long. You look fine to me, by the way.”
“Hmm, you’re right.” Vlad turned to the side facing Dick. The older vamp pushed aside his leather duster coat with one hand and the other hand he placed over his abdomen. Arched his back slightly, he let out a breath, extending his stomach, sucked in the muscles, then back again. After a couple more times repeating the in and out of his belly, he glanced back at Dick. “Be honest, I can take it. Do you think I’m getting fat?”
Holy crap! I’m damned if I do or not. Maybe cutting back on the ice cream might help. “No, I don’t think you look fat, sir. You…you look fabulous. As always. Hell, I wished I looked as good as you. You’re one reason I wanted to become a vampire.” Not really, well maybe, but Dick had to tell a little lie because he recognized no way he’d win this argument with Master Vlad.
“Really?” Vlad’s voice squealed a couple octaves higher, piercing Dick’s ears.
For a moment the younger vampire reconsidered his decision to take the position with Vamps ‘R Us, but at this point, he couldn’t back out. The offer was made and accepted, and in the Master’s world that meant a contract had been sealed. Dick took a deep breath and forced a smile.
“Where was I? Oh, yes. I almost forgot.” The master walked to his desk, retrieved a file folder, and then leaned across the desktop, outstretching his hand with the folder. “This is for you. Everything you need to know. Addresses, phone numbers, store managers’ names, all concerning the properties I’ve purchased. If you can think of anything I’ve forgotten, please let me know.”
“Sure thing. I’ll get right on this.” Dick turned to leave, but stopped abruptly when the cold chill of Vlad’s hand came to rest on his shoulder.
“Oh, one more thing, my boy. When you stop by Tina’s desk to make an appointment to come in with Noelle, let her show you one of the offices down the hall. You can pick where you want. She’s so good at welcoming my new employees and can get you set up with everything you need.” Dick felt the chillier breath of his maker near his ear. The soft whisper sent chills down Dick’s spine. “Just don’t mention anything about her fingernails. She’s very sensitive about them for some reason.”
“Okay, no problem.”
“No seriously. The last guy that came to work for me said something about how he thought they were weird with the multi-colors of polish and sharp as needles.” He paused. “Well, anyhoo, he doesn’t work here any longer.” Vlad patted Dick on the shoulder again and walked toward the door.
Dick swallowed hard. “Anything else you should tell me, sir?”

A Vampire's Bite of Flesh


Dick Grewcock is a vampire working full-time as a computer consultant for Vampires ‘R Us. He had everything he wanted—a pretty girlfriend and a great job—or so he thought. A hurricane blows through town a week before the Fourth of July making a real mess, including riling the sugar craving mush-brain humans. Operation Zombie Takedown begins at Fang Shui, the local vampire bar, to get the infestation under control. Dick’s existence was about to change—again.

Noelle St. Nicholas is Dick’s girlfriend, but four months ago she met with an unfortunate accident and ended up in a cryopreservation chamber at a high security laboratory. She’s revived and Dick isn’t sure she’ll forgive him for what he did.

Dick battles zombies with fireworks exploding and learns what it means to be the vampire he was meant to be, but at what price to losing what’s left of his humanity?


Chapter One

“Do not feed the zombies, especially My Cherry Yogurt.” ~ Andreaus Vladimirescu, Master Vampire of Local Coven 5936

Operation Zombie Takedown reeked like a three-day-old fish, much like the times Dick went back home to his parents’ house. After a few days, everyone was pissed off with someone over something ridiculous, the heated confrontations were blown out of proportion, and no one could get away fast enough. Dick didn’t like seafood, and he avoided his family for all those reasons and more since turning vampire.
The plan concocted by his sire not only smelled like a bad idea, but didn’t make sense. Dick called it what it was—bullshit. Tonight, he intended to tell the older vampire his opinion. Hunting the damn sugar-loving, mush-brain zombies had been rammed down his throat. Gut instinct told him something about the entire mission didn’t seem right.
Who rounds up zombies like a herd of cattle and freezes them for future rehabilitation? For what reason?
Dick feared he’d possibly lose his girlfriend because of this lame joint mission, and he’d be the ultimate reason. When all the craziness happened, Vlad suggested sequestering Noelle for her safety and questionable condition. Little did Dick know at the time what that meant.
Buck Rogers, his head hurt like he’d been put in a vice and the crank tightened with every step he took. Another new malady he’d take up with Doc Elliott. The loud weird-ass electronic music of Fang Shui, the only upscale vampire hangout in the region, pierced his ears the moment Dick stepped through the entrance. The pain increased as the bass reverberated off the rafters of the converted warehouse on Church Street and went straight to his brain.
To add insult to injury, the crappy night started with another coven meeting called by Andreaus Vladimirescu, or Andy, or Vlad depending upon how his sire wished to be addressed for this particular moment. The salutation seemed to change for no apparent reason, and only at the vamp leader’s whim. Lately, the preferred way he insisted everyone in the local membership address him as Sir Vlad. Like he really thinks he’s a Knight of the Roundtable. The leader of Vampire Coven 5936 had commented last gathering that he hoped the storm would have disbanded the Zombie King’s marauding minions from their stronghold somewhere in Kissimmee. The batty vamp had a plan to roundup the zombies gone amok in the City Beautiful before the entire area turned into a nightmare for the humans.
Dick agreed on the necessity of taking care of the infestation, but he questioned the way the ancient one went about the idea of a clean-up. The more time Dick spent with his sire, the more he became convinced the eccentric vamp really did suffer from a form of dementia. Several times he acted like he relived his existence from hundreds of years ago. A few spark plugs misfired under the hood of that raven-haired man, but Dick would probably never know for sure. Doing clinical studies of vampires wouldn’t fall under the purview of medical institutions research programs with today’s economic problems.
At least tonight’s gathering meant he could come in out of the humidity and seek air-conditioning relief. Unfortunately, it also meant sitting at the local vamp bar with Peter Dulcetta to discuss their latest assignment. He and this new found fellow Kabuki-looking shell of their former human selves met by way of Vlad five months ago. The zombie attacks began a few days after Valentine’s Day, and Dick’s existence changed, never to be the same. Between the lousy weather, crappy plan, pain, and the shitty mood he’d been in since Noelle had become a frozen ice cream treat for the last four and half months it was all he could do to figure out why the hell he wanted to be a vampire in the first place.



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